Country Living

Out in the sticks, we love our animals - horses, dogs, chickens, donkeys, and sometimes even a cat thrown in to help with rodent control.  The thing about animals is… they die.  My poor sweet boys got to experience this little life lesson today and I am feeling like I really should have handled it differently.

My dad called me this morning and told me that Batty, his rooster, died.  Now, this may not be front page news to the rest of the world, but around here, this is tragic.  You see Batty is a beloved pet at the Rockin’ B.  He was named by Aiden because when he held him upside down his wings spread out like a bat – hence the name.  Every time we go to my parent’s house, Aiden makes a mad dash to the barn to scoop Batty up in his arms and he carries him around for hours at a time.  When I say he was a pet, it is quite an understatement - he was truly worshiped.  His death is attributed to the circle of life.  Bobcat tracks were found in the mud, so he was most likely Mr. Bob’s midnight snack.  My dad told me that we could tell the boys that Batty was missing.  Not one to be told how to handle a situation, I decided it would be best to tell the boys the truth.  This is simply a way of life and I didn’t want to lie to them.  I now regret my choice to be so forthcoming with my sweet little boys.

We pulled into the house after getting the boys from school and I decided this was the time.  I shut off the car and told them I had some bad news.  And then – I absolutely ruined their day.  Happy Cinco de Mayo children – aren’t you happy your mother loves honesty?  No, I am sure they also wish I would have lied.  And so, through crying eyes, my beloved little sweeties asked me questions about Batty.  Is he going to be okay?  Can we check on him?   Is he going to the chicken hospital – and I have to be honest here, this one almost made me laugh out loud, but I hid my smirk as best I could and soldiered on.  We talked it out for a while and I apologized for Batty’s demise a million and one times.  I then decided it was time to move on from this devastating conversation and suggested sweet tea and cupcakes.  While Jackson initially agreed, he didn’t touch more than a single lick on the icing before he was crying again.  Aiden denied the invitation right up front, preferring to ride his bicycle instead.  I let him go – who am I to decide how one can best handle the grief of a dead rooster? 

Jackson wanted to know again why he couldn’t check on Batty.  So, again, I am into this conversation about the bobcat.  He went through body parts one by one asking, did the Bobcat eat his feathers, his beak, his tummy, etc.  Poor baby… he was crying at every answer – why didn’t I just lie?  And then, since we discussed that Batty is in heaven with Jesus, he asked if he could go to heaven too.  This is SO not how I pictured this day.  I had to explain that it just isn’t time for him to go to heaven, but that Jesus will take good care of Batty for us and they will be happy together.  And then he said, well, Aiden died and went to heaven, why can’t I go?  I think Jackson has the wrong mother.  I really need a rocket scientist or at least a theologian to be available to answer all of these questions I simply do not know how to answer.   I do my best to explain that it was not Aiden’s time to leave and Jesus brought him back to life to show other people his power and grace.  I might as well been describing to him why we don’t wear white after labor day.  He did not want to hear what I had to say.  In the end, we dried his tears and went outside to play.  Oh Lord, please help me raise these boys without messing them up too bad!  My greatest fear is to get a psychiatrist bill on mother’s day when they are in their 40s.  I promise I am trying to do my best down here, but your blessing would be greatly appreciated!

Love to all!

Birthday Girl

Well, it is the day after my birthday.  My family has all gone home.  The kitchen is clean.  The house is quiet.  And then the boys wake up.  Actually, then I spend five minutes waking the boys up.  They love their sleep.  More so in the morning than at night!  So, I think they are normal.  With a son in kindergarten and one in pre-k, we spend a lot of time counting things.  They asked me this morning, how old I am again.  I answer as cheerfully as possibly, 31.  And then my beautiful sweet Aiden says, and next you will be 32.  Yikes!  Let me settle into the fact that I am no longer easing into my 30s... I am up to my knees!  But, mothers don't talk like that.  So I answer, yes, honey, next year I will be 32.  And then next they begin counting!  We count all the time like I said, so it should have been no surprise.  But mentally, I am watching pages of a calendar being ripped away as they move on to 33, 34, 35, 36, and on... at 39, they ask, what comes next?  Death, I think.  But mothers don't say that either.  So I answer 40, and they begin again.  The years of my life are whizzing before my eyes and they just won't stop counting!!   Please boys, have mercy on me!  They hit 50 and I told them to eat their breakfast so we aren't late for school.  Saved by pop tarts, who would have thought?

As an 'old woman' who is starting over in nearly every area of her life, this little morning counting exercise really hit me like a ton of bricks.  What does the future hold for me?  What things am I predestined to experience and what choices can I make to enhance the next years of my life?  I can answer this question as honestly as I know how:  I don't know.  But I am more encouraged than ever to enjoy my life and make the best of all the things that come my way.  

For I know the plans I have for your, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
                                                                                                                           Jeremiah 29:11

Welcome to mi vida loca!

If you had asked me ten years ago what my plans were for the future, I can absolutely promise you, the life I live is not what I would I have predicted for me.  But, this is where I am.  And... I am content.  Scratch that – I am truly happy.  Do I have everything I want for myself?  No.  Do I have all the things I wish to acquire?  No.  Am I satisfied with living out the rest of my days without a life partner to share them with?  No.  So, why in the heck am I content?  I am glad you asked, my friend…

We can all make the choice on where our focus lies.  We can zero in on the car we don’t drive, the home we don’t have, the spouse who isn’t there, and on and on and on and on… OR we can choose to COUNT OUR BLESSINGS!  Focusing on the all of the things we do have. 

First and foremost on this list for me is I am thankful for Jesus Christ who died as the ultimate sacrifice for our sins so that we may be forgiven.  That’s not even the end of it – he did so that we could have a relationship with God.  And how awesome is it to know that He is always there?  Words cannot even express the joy I feel to know that there is someone who loves me more than I can imagine and wants nothing but the best for me.   Even when I do not have the faith in Him that He has for me, He loves me still.  Wow!

I also have the best family on the planet – hands down!  We are like a litter of pups gathered from the SPCA… we have real ‘blood’ siblings, half siblings, step siblings, and step parents.  And we are closer than most any family I know.  No matter what happens in my life, I know that I can run right to my family.  And guess what?  When I screw up, they will tell me.  When I make them proud, they tell me that, too.  Either way – no matter how they feel about my choices in life at the time, I know they are there for me and will always be.   We laugh together, cry together, have fun together, worship together, and enjoy each other.  What a truly amazing gift from above to have this kind of perfect love on earth!

And where would I be without my friends?   Like any true collector, they have been carefully selected over time.  Some come and go, but the true core group of super-awesome-girlfriends I have are rock solid.  They have proved time and again that no matter what happens in my life – good or bad – they will be by my side to see me through.  I am so thankful to have been blessed with such awesome women to grow with me throughout my life.

I am reminded of the poem ‘footprints’ which talks about a man who is frustrated with God because he has noticed that in the worst of times, there is a single set of footprints in his path in life.  He thinks it is because God has left and had him walking alone through his darkest and deepest valleys.  Until God tells him the single set of footprints are there because God carried him through the hard times… well, that is how my life has been with my family and my friends.  They are always there.   I know the Lord has blessed me with these people and I am forever grateful.

Remember I mentioned those boys I am raising?  Well, sometimes, I think they may be teaching me more than I teach them!  My favorite thing about them is how deeply they love… I know that not all people can love so completely, and I can appreciate this in them.  Hearing them say, ‘I love you, mommy,’ truly melts my heart.  I am so sincerely thankful for these beautiful boys… they make my life worth living and remind me every day of God’s love for me and the greatness that he wants in my life. 

Well, I think you are all up to speed on the basics… NOW, you will understand where I am coming from when I write the things I do.  I hope you enjoy this little blog and are entertained in sharing my blessings and trials!

With love,

April